For most of my life, I’ve been afraid of commitment — afraid of falling short and disappointing other people. After walking into Hoboken Grace for the first time in 2012, that included my relationship with God. Not committing to a relationship with Him seemed like a better option than letting Him down.
What drew me to Hoboken Grace in the first place was a granola bar. Someone handed it to me, along with a card about the church, shortly after I moved here. Looking to meet new people — and curious why Christians were so friendly — I decided to give it a try. Little did I know I would end up crying during the worship songs. The lyrics spoke to my heart and overwhelmed me with comfort and warmth. They made me feel loved and less alone.
That feeling only grew as I joined a dinner group and started serving. While I still wasn’t looking for a long-term commitment, I offered to serve in Grace Kids one Sunday when someone in my dinner group needed help. It’d only be one time anyway, I thought. I enjoyed it so much that I’ve been serving in Baby Steps ever since. Over the years, God changed my heart from being a proud volunteer to a joyful servant.
For the most part, though, I’ve insisted on taking my own baby steps toward God, without any commitment. I was especially hesitant about taking the step of baptism, because I didn’t think I would ever be able to live up to God’s standard. Without declaring my faith as a Christian by taking that step, I thought, I wouldn’t need to worry about disappointing Him.
The truth is, I will never be able to live up to God’s standard. My salvation comes from Jesus’ love and what He did on the cross for me. I’ve already been living in His grace. There’s nothing more I want now than to declare that I’m His and that this is for His glory, not mine.
When I leaned back into the water last Sunday, I completely surrendered myself in God’s grace, knowing His love for me will never change. I’m forgiven, and with His love, I don’t need to be afraid of failing.
Alicia wants to thank the Hoboken Grace community, especially her dinner group, for their support as she took the step of baptism. Without you, she says, I wouldn’t have found my faith and my way back to God.